Well I'm having a shitty day.
You know the days when you wake up and everything goes wrong? Today was one of those days.
I think I'm in way over my head, and I know that there is nobody here to save me.
I have abandonment issues, I'll admit it. Almost everyone I've ever loved has abandoned me in some way, shape or form.
What does this say about me?
Oh yeah, people obviously don't want to be around me. Great.
Everything crumbled apart and crushed me in the rubble today. I felt so shitty when I crawled into bed that I just burst into tears.
Yes, I cried about my life.
Crying brought up everything that I have ever cried about, so I cried harder. This just sent me spiraling downward.
I'm at the point that I don't care if anyone cares anymore because I know that they won't in the end. People are selfish, stupid, arrogant and fake.
I don't know what else to say.
I haven't been this upset in a while and I don't like it at all.
I know that nobody will call me, text me or show up at my house to give me a hug. Not just because it's after midnight, but because they don't care. People never cared, and they never will. I don't know why karma or whatever the fuck controls this sort of thing feels like I deserve this, but I know I don't. The last two years of my life have been living hell. Devastation after devastation has hit me hard, and I almost gave up. Why am I being pushed away again? I've been so happy lately, and I don't understand why it's fair that I'm dying inside.
I have nothing else to add, because I don't know what else to say or do, except cry.
Sometimes it's just good to cry and let it all out. I've been doing that a lot myself lately... I've been so discouraged about so much, and to top it off, have been badly hurt by someone who said he "loved me more than anything." When it rains, it pours, eh? I struggle with thinking that no one really cares, or bothers to remember to care or something, and have been feeling very, very alone. It's hard, and it sucks.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. It's never any fun at all! :( I hope you're feeling better soon. Hang in there.