The Year Long Blogger Post

Okay, I know I suck as a blogger, as I only talk about my life occurrences, but I'm allowed because its my blog, so shush and make your own if you have a problem.

Apparently it's been a year since I've started this thing and man, what a year it's been.

I'm sure people hate me because of some things I've posted, and I get that, but I don't care to be honest with you.
You've all read about me being happy, and sad, and at my complete worst, and I thank you for that, because this has been my place to get things out.

The last few months have been kind of difficult, but I'm holding on and am ready for it all to resolve itself. I just feel like everything that means something is slipping from my grasp and I don't know how to stop it.

I honestly love my boyfriend so much for all that he is, has been, and ever will be for me. I've never found anyone who can put up with me and care about me when I ugly cry all over him and I honestly would be lost without him. He's someone that I don't want to imagine leaving my life.

My four legged babies have held me together for the last three years and I don't understand how I've been so lucky. Whether it's been a mane to cry on, or a swift wake up call onto my butt, they have been there for everything and I can't wait for my baby girl to be back home next week.

This time next month I'll have crossed the stage on graduation day and I'll have an "Alberta Diploma IOU" until I finish my exams. It's really a bittersweet feeling, as high school has been a roller coaster of every emotion under the sun, part of me will miss it, but most of me won't miss the 9am classes and will be enjoying the 9 am rides.

I don't know, I guess the last year has taught me a lot about not only myself, but the world I live in. Looking back at the posts, I probably seem like a nutcase to people who don't know me, but I feel like this is a really accurate representation of what makes me me and why I am the way I am.

The Lame Post About My Current State of Mind Post

Because I'm sad, I feel like I need to make a post, but I honestly don't know what to say.

The last few days have seriously taken a toll on me. I think I'm going through another one of those phases where I'm just sad about everything and I can't help it.

I should be happy. I have no reason to be sad. I mean, things aren't perfect, but they could sure be a hell of a lot worse.

I think one of my problems is that I put far more effort into things than most people do, and it does nothing but hurt me in the end. Another thing is that the small things mean everything to me. Especially when it comes to something or someone that I care about.

Since Sunday morning, I honestly can't show any emotion through anything but crying. I cried in the shower Sunday morning, I almost cried at work on Sunday, I cried myself to sleep Sunday night, I cried when I woke up Monday morning, and here I am, Monday night, in tears again. I don't know what is wrong with me, or why I'm so sad, but my heart just aches. You know, the kind of ache when it feels like someone is stepping on your chest and slowly pushing all the blood out of your heart until you're at the point where you can't breathe.

I just don't know why. Every little thing is upsetting me, or disappointing me, or just plain frustrating me.

I can't seem to put my thoughts into words, and when I do, they come out in gibberish and mean nothing that I intended them to. I just wish people could feel the emotions that you're feeling, just so they would understand why you have a certain reaction to something.

All I want is for someone to hug me and never let me go, not because they feel bad for me, or they feel like they have to, but because they love me and they don't want to let me go, or they can't bring themselves to let me go.

That is honestly all that I need right now.