I honestly don't know why I can't just deal with my life like a normal person. Everything drives me crazy, even what's supposed to be good and when I get a chance to say that something is bothering me, I just can't.
I have someone that I care so much about, but sometimes I feel lonely, even when he's around, and I don't know why. I've just got this longing and I don't know what it's for. Maybe it's for a fairy tale romance because I am a hopeless romantic? Perhaps, but knowing my luck it will have a Shakespearian ending. I want to be loved in a way I've never been loved before, because I really haven't been loved very well, until recently anyway. I want to be spoiled and surprised and I want to feel like we are the only people in the world that matter. I wish I could experience that for even one day. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy now, I'm just confused, and something deep in my soul wishes that the amazing relationship I'm in could become absolutely mind blowing. It's pretty fantastic so far, but I can't help but feel like something is missing.
It is so frustrating sitting around day after day hoping that something amazing will happen and then watching those hopes get crushed one day at a time.
I know people can't read minds, if they did, I know my life would be a little bit easier. When I'm feeling something, I have such a hard time formulating it into words, let alone sentences out loud to someone. Especially if it is someone I don't want to lose.
I try to be the best girlfriend I can be, but I'm not sure how good I really am. I want to think I'm the girl that every guy wishes for and lusts after, but I can't help thinking that I'm nothing of the sorts. And that makes me sad.
I guess I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to pull it together, but it's so hard to pull it together when you're always feeling like you're falling apart. I guess nothing has a fairy tale ending, even if you spend your life trying to make it that way.
