The Inevitable Post

Well, seeing as I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 months now, it's fairly inevitable that a post dedicated to him would come along. ;)

I don't think I've ever been this happy. I've heard from multiple sources that I'm just glowing and giddy like a little kid, and it's true.

He's funny, and he gets me. I love it. He makes me feel wanted, and he makes me want to get up in the morning, just so I can talk to him, or see him. I think my favorite thing about waking up next to him is that the first thing he does is kiss me. I think that is the sweetest, most romantic thing I've ever experienced in my whole life. It just makes my heart melt.
I'm singing along to love songs on the radio, and I'm wanting to watch romantic comedies. This never happens! It's amazing :)

He is someone that I want to spend every hour of every day with, but I know I can't, so I'm trying to just settle with doing other things, but it's hard when I can't get him out of my head.

I probably sound like some crazy high schooler, which really I am, but this is what's been going on with me for the last few months, and I'd honestly do anything for him.

He's my happy when I'm sad, he's my sane when I go mad, and he's my rock when everything else is being blown around by a hurricane. I feel like he understands and he is willing to give me advice on anything I'm having trouble with. It is so reassuring to just have someone there who will hold me when it feels like my world is crumbling apart.

But yeah, this post is for you, and I hope you actually read it, because you deserve to know how awesome you are in my eyes. ;)

The Emotionally Challenged Post

I have no reason to be sad.
I have a best friend that loves me, two beautiful horses and the best boyfriend I've ever had.
But for some reason last night, this feeling of sadness just poured over me and ruined my day, and it was a pretty good day. It even attacked my dreams and made me feel as unwanted as humanly possible. And when I woke up I was just crying and I couldn't stop. I don't know why this is happening to me, and I want it to stop. It's making me feel so worthless and like I'm alone in the world, even though I'm not. It's so frustrating. It just came out of the blue, as I've been so happy lately.
Maybe it's from all the thoughts spinning in my head, and my subconscious is just choosing to manifest the ones I'm most afraid of? Who knows? I definitely don't, and it's driving me crazy. :( I feel like I should say more, but I just can't.

The Unknown Blog Post of Confusion

I don't know where that title came from, I just figured that being creative would help me feel better :p I should be on top of the world right now, but I'm not, I'm actually in a substantially bad mood, and it sucks. Sometimes you're in a bad mood for no reason, and it just brings you down even more because you don't know why. This morning I bought tickets to see my favorite singer with my best friend. Totally the best thing ever right? Yeah, I thought so too. That didn't last long and since then my mood has deflated. I don't know why this happens, I don't think I ever will either, but it always ends up with me breaking down and reminiscing about all the crap I've gone through and how much I've hated my life, but then it leads to me thinking about all the amazing things and the few amazing people I have in my life and I feel a little better, but there's still an emptiness, and I don't understand why. It's unnerving and frustrating and horrendous for anyone that cares about me at all to watch me fall apart and come back together. One might even think I'm bipolar, but that's not the case. I guess some stones are better left unturned and it's best to try and move on and forget, but most of the time it's not that easy to let go of anything remotely substantial or has left any kind of impact on your life. But life happens I guess.

The Confused Yet Happy Post

Have you ever met someone and just known that they are someone you want to spend all your time with? Well I have, and I am attempting to do so, with much luck thus far.
It's fantastic having someone who will hug me, and cuddle with me and hold my hand, I guess the whole boyfriend aspect has been missing from my previous relationships.
The problem is, I'm not sure what we are. Like at all. I feel like we could be together, but I'm still not sure.
Things are so fantastic between us, I know I feel a spark, but I'm not sure what his side is. Yes, there's an age difference, but that doesn't seem to bother him, nor does it bother me. I just feel so comfortable around him.
My poor friends must be driven crazy by me talking about him hahahah, I'm not even kidding.( If you guys actually read this, I'm sorry. )
But in all honesty, I think this is the most successful almost relationship ever, in my mind.
But really, how does one know if you are actually together or not? I mean yeah, there's the blatantly obvious "ask him" but I feel almost like I'd be bothering him, but if we were together he wouldn't care. Hmm, what a conundrum.

The Broken Life Lesson Post

So, every once in a while life will throw you a curveball, and keeping with the baseball theme, this one curved up and smashed all my fucking teeth in.

Sometimes you meet someone and you just know that they are like your second half. You have the same views on the important things, but some of your interests are different, which helps it all kind of melt together.
I thought I met someone like that. We went out, and saw each other as often as possible, things were fantastic for about a month.
I went on vacation, and the day I went to leave and come home was the last day I heard from him. It blindsided me. Everything was so good until then and I have no idea what happened.

I personally feel that every boy who has ever done this, or has even slept with a girl more than once and stopped talking to her, deserves to be kicked in the balls by an angry, shod draft horse for every fucking day they haven't talked to her.
As far as I'm concerned, if you're a heartless asshole who said things like "I could see us lasting a long time" or "I would do anything for you" or any bullshit like that, you deserve to feel the emotional pain that we have to deal with.
After day 3, I'm not gonna lie, I cried myself to sleep and slumped around in a depressed state. I was crushed. I guess I still am, but it's been a week, and I figure I'm obviously not important enough to even zap a quick text to. But you know what, that's okay. There are half a dozen other guys dying to take your place and can do so very easily.
If you even read this far and feel some remorse, you'll know who you are. I know you like assholes, so I guess that should've been a warning sign.
I'd say that this was one very cruel life lesson that I ended up learning the hard way.
You can't trust anyone, especially of it seems like they are a decent human being. They're just going to fuck you over when they get the chance.

PS I found out that the fucker cheated on me and is still dating the whore. I hope they're happy together.

The Rant About Not Supporting My Sport Post

My mom doesn't support my sport. At all.
Every time I ask her to do something to help me out. Like taking me to the barn, for example, she tells me I have to wait, or she's too busy. I usually have to plan a trip to the barn a couple of days in advance.
Sometimes even if I do that, she makes everything else more important and I have to wait, or I don't even get to go out.
Then there's the whole board thing. Most of the time, she tries to help, but if she does it's only $100. She's never offered to pay board, or for the farrier, or for new tack, or anything like that. I'm dead broke 98% of the time because all of my money goes to my horses and she doesn't bother to help out.
Another thing is that I can't drive. She whines and bitches and complains about driving me to the barn, even when she doesn't have to do it. I offered to pay her gas money even. Did she take it? Nope.
She doesn't watch me ride because she wants to. She does it because Atlas is dangerous and I need someone there to make sure I don't die. Last time I went out to ride, she asked if there was WiFi so that she could take her laptop out and sit in the car while I rode.
So many times, I've asked if she could take me to the tack shop, or the barn so that I could do something for my horses health, like blanket him in the winter, or even buying that blanket FOR the winter, she freaks out at me, even though all the money is coming out of MY pocket, or it's when it's most convenient for her. It doesn't matter how much I try to accommodate to her schedule, she gets mad at me for wanting to go see and ride the horses that I invested in and that I have a passion for.
It's not hard to tell who the favorite child is too.
Does he get all new hockey equipment out of mommy's pocket? Yep.
Does she willingly go watch every game? Yep.
Does she drive him to all his practices without complaining? Yep.
Does she go to tournaments everywhere and not complain? Yep.
Sounds like the complete opposite of what she does for me. Thanks mom.

The Lonely Post

This weekend is the one weekend that I need to be surrounded by people. It's the worst weekend of the year. Two years ago, on Canada Day, my life changed, and it just seems like everything is getting worse and worse. Everyone who I've ever given my heart to seems to shatter it or take advantage of the fact that I care. This is the only weekend of the year that I feel more alone and more empty than normal, and nobody seems to even know, care or even want to care. It seems like nobody wants anything to do with me, so I don't know if there's something wrong with me, or if I just need new friends. And there is no alcohol. Fuck me. :(